It was incredible.
Oh. We'll have to pick up a copy.
I don't know if you're aware of this, Josephine...
...but African parrots, in their native Congo, they speak only French.
Really?
You're lucky to get four words out of them in English.
But if you were to walk through the jungle...
...you'd hear them speaking the most elaborate French.
Those parrots talk about everything. Politics, movies, fashion.
Everything but religion.
Why not religion, Dad?
It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're gonna offend.
Josephine actually went to the Congo last year.
Oh, so you know.
Hello.
Hi. How are you feeling?
Oh, I was dreaming.
What were you dreaming about?
Oh, I don't usually remember...
...unless they're especially portentous. Do you know what that word means?
It means when you dream about something that's gonna happen.
Like one night, I had a dream...
...where this crow came and said:
"Your aunt is gonna die."
I was so scared, I woke up my parents...
...but they said it was just a dream and to get back to bed.
But the next morning, my Aunt Stacy was dead.
That's terrible.
Terrible for her, but think about me, young boy with that kind of power.
Wasn't three weeks later when the crow came back to me in a dream...
...and said, "Your daddy's gonna die."
I didn't know what to do.
I finally told my father, but he said:
"Oh, not to worry." But I could see he was rattled.
The next morning, he wasn't himself.
Kept looking around, waiting for something to drop on his head.
Because the crow didn't say how it was gonna happen, just those words:
"Your daddy's gonna die."
Well, he left home early and was gone a long time.
When he finally came back, he looked terrible...
...like he was waiting for the ax to fall all day.
He said to my mother:
"I've just had the worst day of my life."
"You think you've had a bad day?" She said.
"This morning, the milkman dropped dead on the porch."
Because, see, my mother was banging the milkman.
-Can I take your picture? -Oh, you don't need a picture.
Just look up the word "handsome" in the dictionary.
Please?
All right.
I have photos of the wedding to show you.
There is a great one of you and my father.
I want to see pictures of your wedding. I've never seen any.
That's because we didn't have a proper wedding.
Your mother-in-law was never supposed to marry me.
-She was engaged to somebody else. -I never knew.
Will never told you?
Probably just as well.
He would have told it wrong, anyway.
All the facts, none of the flavor.
Oh. So this is a tall tale.
Well, it's not a short one.
I'd just left Spectre and was on my way to discover my destiny.
Not knowing what that would be exactly...
...I explored every opportunity that presented itself.
Coco! Coco! There they are.
Ladies and gentlemen!
You may think you've seen the unusual.
You may think you've seen the bizarre.
But I've traveled to the five corners of the world...
...and let me tell you, I've never seen anything like this!
When I met this man...
...he was picking oranges in Florida.
His fellow workers called him El Penumbra. "The Shadow."
Because when you worked beside him...
...he blocked out the daylight!
Not to alarm you, ma'am, but if this man wanted to...
...he could crush your head between his toes...
...like a tiny walnut. But he won't do it.
No. No, ladies and gentlemen...
...he will not hurt her...
...because he is our own gentle giant.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Colossus!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...
...thank y'all for coming.
Drive home safely, everyone. Thank you for coming.
It was on that night Karl met his destiny.
And I met mine, almost.
They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops.
And that's true.
What they don't tell you is that once time starts again...
...it moves extra fast to catch up.
What's your name?
-It's Karl. -Karl.
Tell me, Karl, have you ever heard the term "involuntary servitude"?
-No. -"Unconscionable contract"?
-Nope. -Great.
Here you go.
Here you are.
Mr. Soggybottom, come down this here...
...so he can use your back to sign on it.
Okay. Thank you. Yeah.
Hey, kid.
-Your friend just made himself a star. -Oh, that's great.
-My attorney, Mr. Soggybottom. -Good to meet you.
Pleased to meet you.
What's the matter? I haven't seen a customer so depressed...
...since the elephant sat on that farmer's wife.
"Depressed"?
See? The big guy likes it.
I just saw the woman I'm gonna marry.
I know it. But I lost her.
Oh, tough break.
Well, most men have to get married before they lose their wives.
I'm gonna spend the rest of my life looking for her. That or die alone.
Damn, kid.
Let me guess. Real pretty?
Reddish-blondish hair?
Blue dress?
Yeah!
I know her uncle. Friends of the family.
Who is she? Where does she live?
Forget it. Don't waste your time. She's out of your league.
-What? You don't even know me. -Sure I do.
You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat.
You don't have a plan or a job.
Nothing except the clothes on your back.
Well, I have a whole backpack full of clothes.
Oh, someone stole my backpack.
You were a big fish in a small pond, but this here is the ocean...
...and you're drowning. Go back to Puddleville.
-You'll be happy there. -You say I don't have a plan. I do.
I'll find that girl, marry her, and spend the rest of my life with her.
I don't have a job, but I would have a job if you gave me one.
And I may not have much...
...but I have more determination than any man you're likely to meet.
I'm sorry, kid. I don't do charity. Come on, big boy.
Wait. Look, I'll work night and day for you...
...and you won't have to pay me.
You just have to tell me who she is.
Every month you work for me...
...I'll tell you one thing about her. That's my final offer.
Let's get started.
From that moment on, I did everything Mr. Calloway asked.
I'd go three days without stopping to eat.
And four days without sleeping.
What kept me going was the promise of meeting the girl...
...who would be my wife.
Stick together, that's the way it's gonna be.
-The way it was, and the way it will be. -Mr. Calloway, sir?
It's been a month today.
This girl, the love of your life...
...her favorite flowers are daffodils.
-So get that stuff... -Daffodils.
Daffodils.
True to his word...
...every month Amos would tell me something new...
...about the woman of my dreams.
Enjoy yourselves, enjoy yourselves.
She's going to college.
College. She's going to college.
She likes music.
Music. She likes music.
Over the months, I learned a lot about the woman I would marry...
...but not her name, and not where to find her.
That time had come. I couldn't wait any longer.
Mr. Calloway?
It's Edward Bloom. I need to talk to you.
Mr. Calloway?
No. Wait!
That night, I discovered that most things you consider evil or wicked...
...are simply lonely and lacking in social niceties.
Didn't kill anything, did I?
A few rabbits. But I think one of them was already dead.
That would explain the indigestion.
Thank you.
I was wrong about you, kid.
You may not have much, but what you got, you got a lot of.
You could get any girl.
There's only one I want.
Her name...
...is Sandra Templeton.
She goes to Auburn.
Semester's almost over, so you better hurry.
Thank you. Thank you.
-Good luck, kid! -Thank you, sir!
-Bye, now. -Bye, Edward.
After saying my goodbyes, I hopped three trains...
...to get to Auburn that afternoon.
You don't know me, but my name is Edward Bloom...
...and I love you.
I've spent the last three years working to find out who you are.
I've been shot, stabbed, and trampled a few times. I broke my ribs twice.
But it's all been worth it to see you here now...
...and to finally get to talk to you.
Because I'm destined to marry you.
I knew it when I saw you at the circus, and I know it now more than ever.
-I'm sorry. -You don't have to apologize to me.
I'm the luckiest person you'll find today.
No, I'm sorry I'm engaged to be married.
But you're wrong. I do know you.
At least by reputation.
Edward Bloom from Ashton.
See, I'm actually engaged to a boy from Ashton. Don Price.
He was a few years older than you.
Well...
Congratulations.
I'm sorry to have bothered you.
Stop it! It's not funny.
That poor boy.
Fate has a cruel way of circling around on you.
After all this work to leave Ashton...
...the girl I love was now engaged to one of its biggest jerks.
There's a time when a man needs to fight...
...and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost...
...the ship has sailed, and that only a fool will continue.
Truth is, I've always been a fool.
Sandra Templeton, I love you, and I will marry you!
So as you can see, if we apply these rules to our everyday life...
...supply and demand makes much more sense.
Take a look at the next graph, and the import of this will be even stronger...
...for three hours.
Look!
-Daffodils! -They're your favorite flower.
How did you get so many?
I called everywhere in five states.
I told them it was the only way to get my wife to marry me.
You don't even know me.
I have the rest of my life to find out.
Sandra!
It's Don. Promise you won't hurt him.
If that's what you want, I swear to it.
-Bloom? -Don.
What the hell are you doing? This is my girl. Mine!
I wasn't aware that she belonged to anyone.
What's the matter? Are you too scared to fight back?
I promised I wouldn't.
Stop it!
Don, stop!
While I took the beating of a lifetime, Don Price was ultimately defeated.
All the physical activity had worsened a congenital valve defect.
Put simply, his heart wasn't strong enough.
Don! I will never marry you.
What? You mean, you love this guy?
He's almost a stranger, and I prefer him to you.
As it turned out, Sandra was able to keep her same date at the chapel.
Only the groom had changed.
I thought you said you didn't have a church wedding.
We were all set to, but there was a complication.
Is it the medicine that's making you thirsty?
Truth is, I've been thirsty my whole life.
Never really known why.
There was a time when I was 11...
You were talking about your wedding.
I didn't forget. I was just working on a tangent.
You see, most men, they'll tell you a story straight through.
It won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting, either.
I like your stories.
And I like you.
Well, when you work for the circus, you don't have a regular address.
So after three years, there was a lot of undelivered mail.
During the four weeks I was in the hospital...
...the postmaster finally caught up with me.
And it seems that while my heart belonged to Sandra...
...the rest of my body belonged to the U.S. Government.
A hitch in the Army was up to three years at that point...
...and having waited three years just to meet Sandra...
...I knew I couldn't survive being away from her that long.
So I took every hazardous assignment I could find...
...with the hope of getting my time down to less than a year.
Go! Go!
When I was offered a secret mission...
...to steal the plans for the Wong Kai Tang power plant...
...I jumped at the chance to serve my country.
Go! Go!
Any of you got needs?
How could you miss your cue?
You make me look like a fool out there alone.
You weren't alone!
Who the hell are you?
I'm not going to hurt you.
Damn right you're not.
GUARD!
Tell your men not to bother us!
And close that curtain!
Please, I need your help.
What makes you think we'll help you?
Over the next hour, I described my love for Sandra K. Templeton...
...and the ordeal that brought me before them.
As it had always been, this love was my salvation.
It was destined to be.
We put together an elaborate plan for escape...
...involving a whaling ship to Russia...
...a barge to Cuba, and a small, dirty canoe to Miami.
We all knew it would be dangerous.
And what are we supposed to do when we get to America?
I can get you bookings.
I know the biggest man in show business.
Bob Hope?!
Bigger.
Ready?
And so the twins and I began our arduous journey...
...halfway around the world.
Unfortunately, there was no way to send a message back to America.
And so it was no surprise that the Army believed I was dead.
No, God!
After four months, Sandra had gotten over the worst of the nightmares.
When the phone rang, she didn't think it was somehow me calling her.
When a car drove past, she didn't get up to check out the window.
I talked with your father last night.
You never told me how your parents met.
They met at Auburn.
What about the details? How they fell in love.
The circus. The war.
You never told me any of that.
That's because most of it never happened.
But it's romantic.
-What? -What, I know better...
...than to argue romance with a French woman.
Do you love your father?
Everyone loves my father. He's a very likable guy.
Do you love him?
You have to understand.
When I was growing up, he was gone more than he was there.
And I started thinking maybe he's got this second life somewhere else.
Another family, another house.
And he leaves us and goes to them.
Or, or...
Or maybe there is no second family. Maybe he never wanted a family.
Whatever it is, he likes his second life better and he tells his stories...
...because he can't stand this boring place.
-But it's not true. -Well, what's true?
He's never told me a single true thing.
Look, hey...
I know why you like him.
I know why everyone likes him.
But I need you to tell me that I'm not crazy.
Oh, you're not.
And I think you should talk to him.
Larry Puckett's Chevrolet lets the customer do the talking.
Larry Puckett's GM-certified vehicles are under factory warranty.
And you can save up to 40 percent off the original MSRP.
-Did I ever tell you about...? -Yes.
The maple tree and the Buick? We've heard it.
I know someone who hasn't.
-The... -Tree fell on the car, spilling the syrup.
Which attracted the flies, which got stuck to it...
...and flew off with the whole car.
But the real story is how I got the car.
-You see... -Dad?
Son.
Can we talk?
I think I'll get started on these dishes.
I'll help you.
-You know about icebergs, Dad? -Do I?
I saw an iceberg once.
They were hauling it down to Texas for drinking water.
They didn't count on there being an elephant frozen inside.
-The woolly kind. A mammoth. -Dad!
What?
I'm trying to make a metaphor here.
Well, you shouldn't have started with a question...
...because people want to answer questions.
You should've started with, "The thing about icebergs is..."
Okay, okay. The thing about icebergs is you only see 10 percent.
The other 90 percent is below the water where you can't see it.
And that's...
...what it is with you, Dad.
I am only seeing this little bit...
...that sticks above the water.
Oh, you're only seeing down to my nose? My chin? My...
Dad, I have no idea who you are...
...because you've never told me a single fact.
I've told you a thousand facts, Will. That's what I do, I tell stories!
You tell... lies, Dad.
You tell amusing lies.
Stories are what you tell a 5-year-old at bedtime.
They're not elaborate mythologies that you maintain...
...when your son is 10 and 15 and 20 and 30.
And I believed you.
I believed your stories so much longer than I should have.
Then when I realized everything you said was impossible...
...I felt like a fool to have trusted you.
You're like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
Just as charming and just as fake.
You think I'm fake.
Only on the surface, Dad. But it's all I've ever seen.
Look.
I'm about to have...
...a kid of my own.
It would kill me if he went through his whole life...
...never understanding me.
It would kill you, huh?
What do you want, Will? Who do you want me to be?
Just yourself.
Good, bad, everything. Just show me who you are for once.
I've been nothing but myself since the day I was born.
And if you can't see that, it's your failing, not mine!
Your father decided that he needed to have an office...
...and, of course, it wouldn't do to have it in the house.
So...
You'll know better than me what's important.
What is it?
It was during the war.
Your father went missing. They thought he was dead.
Oh, that really happened?
Not everything your father says is a complete fabrication.
I think I'll go check on him.
I need to lie down for a bit.
Okay, go.
After the war, the sons of Alabama returned home, looking for work.
Each had the advantage over me.
They were alive, while I was officially deceased.
With my prospects few...
...I took a job as a traveling salesman. It suited me.
If there was one thing you can say about Edward Bloom...
...it's that I am a social person.
-Congratulations. -Thank you, sir.
I could be gone for weeks at a time.
But every other Friday, I put all the money I made...
...into an account set aside for a proper house...
...with a white picket fence.
I'd like a moment of your time to tell you about my new product...
...the Handi-matic.
A few years later, I added other products and other cities...
...until my territory stretched from the coast to western Texas.
Edward?
Edward Bloom!
It's me, Norther Winslow.
I don't believe it.
I was astonished to see the greatest poet of both Ashton and Spectre...
...all the way out in Texas.
I want you to know, when you left Spectre, it opened my eyes.
There was a whole life out there that I was not living.
So I traveled.
I saw France, Africa, half of South America.
Every day, a new adventure. That's my motto.
That's great, Norther. I'm happy for you.
What are you doing now?
I'm robbing this place.
All right, everybody down!
Hey! Just slide that over.
-Would you mind grabbing that? -What?
The gun.
I'm gonna be cleaning out the cash drawers...
...and my associate here is gonna handle the vault.
All right, you! You help my friend, okay?
Let's go!
I'm sorry, ma'am. I am.
I really just don't want anyone to get hurt.
It's not that.
It's just...